"Next exit." Lucifer said it with conviction, even though he was almost lying down in the passenger seat, eyes closed and having appeared to be sleeping for the past several hours. "It's a right one. I can feel the presence."
The presence of the prophet, obviously, but since that was the entire point of their mission, he was sure that went without saying.
Flicking up the indicator, Gadreel took the right and tried his best not to get too bothered by all of this. A new prophet was such a roll of the dice and if it was another fuckboy who thought he was funny, it was not going to end well. Much like the last one. "I'm surprised you're still awake."
Given he's looked like he was dozing while Gadreel tediously took on motor ways and back roads almost blindly.
"I wish I could sleep. Hard to do when divine providence gives you a headache." After all, fallen or not - perhaps especially fallen, Lucifer still theoretically had more power than just about anything else in creation and he couldn't, unfortunately, keep all of it dormant. When it came to finding the prophet, that was proving to be both a blessing and a curse.
"So, where are we?" He put the seat into a more upright position, looking around. "Looks like the devil's armpit." Well. "Metaphorically."
"It's the hidden Jewel in the eye of the West -- whatever the hell that means. Oh and ... it's the 'Lost shoe capital of the world'." Yes, these two things were on the sign for Lowville. What a place for the divine powers to send them? "Why do we never get sent anywhere actually nice? I would love to see Miami or California."
He's not saying that's his ideal vacation but for a work retreat in America? Not bad. Could be worse. "This prophet better be worth this commute."
"If she or he or they can help us prevent the apocalypse, that's worth it." They didn't really have the luxury to be very choosy at this point. "...how do you become the capital of lost shoes? And does that mean they have a lot of shoes that have been lost or that they lost a lot of shoes?"
Although he supposed that one would kind of lead to the other. "We're close now."
"I think you're being too pedantic over their stupid sign. It's likely bullshit." With a huff of annoyance, he put his foot down and sped up some to try and ping this prophet quicker. He didn't feel a thing himself, he was just a normal grunt and yeah, no, he got kind of tingly around superior powers but not compared to Lucifer. Who could apparently ping a prophet from miles away.
"Why do we even want to stop the apocalypse. Is it really going to impact us much? We're already fucked." At least the end of the world meant a power struggle first. "Is this just because you don't want to do anything, including ending the world?"
"We aren't fucked, you are just a glass half empty kind of guy. It's very off-putting, by the way." Lucifer yawned and pointed to the left. "Next one there. We're closing in on it." The presence. He or she or they, whatever. Close.
"The apocalypse, for one thing, has a whole lot of prophecies attached to it that would kick me from free will right to predestined. I tore down half of heaven to get out of that, so, yes. Maybe I don't want to do anything, including ending the world. I like the world. On and off, anyway. Beats nothingness."
He paused for a moment, turning his head. "We've now driven past the fourth flower shop since we entered the town. What's that about?"
"Maybe the prophet is a florist with a missing shoe." Seemed about logical, given this town. There was also a weird amount of phone booths. Who even used a phone booth any more? He frowned and took the left as told. This was a weird town, he didn't even want to know what they were going to find here but it was likely to be boring and odd.
"So we want to avert the apocalypse so we can avoid you having to actually do something?"
That did seem pretty accurate. Same old Lucifer, as always. "Yep. Sounds about right." God, he sucked. He sucked so much. Not that he wasn't unused to this, it was pretty much as expected.
"I don't want to hit the reset button. Simple as." And, yes, he didn't want to do all the work involved with it. But there was even more to it. He had a role in the apocalypse. He even had one after it. Predestined and all of that. Most, however? Including Gadreel?
No, he didn't want a reset, he didn't want the apocalypse. So he would stop it, again and again. Even if he had to look for the prophet in a forsaken town that-- "Is that a Blockbuster?"
"Oh God, it is. Well, what VHS do you want to rent for the motel? I'm sure they have eight copies of Two Weeks Notice." Or whatever lame romcom they had laying around that was easy to rent for date nights. That was the only reason blockbuster existed. That and to shut up kids. He turned to the left and slowed down, just trying to keep a steady pace and see if anything sparked in Lucifer.
"Well? Where are we heading? It better not be a flower shop. I don't want a prophet who will bore us to death with floral arrangement talk."
Anything was an improvement over the last one though.
"We're close." Lucifer leaned forward, actually looking outside properly now. He turned his head and frowned, wetting his lips. Huh. "Slow down. End of the road here, just park at the next opportunity."
As they came closer, he looked at the building in question. Definitely close. "...I hope the Prophet's a teacher. Or a janitor." Because otherwise, that would mean a child. And, from the looks of it, this was an elementary school. A young child.
"... Oh fuck, no. It better be an adult. I swear to God above, Lucifer. If it's a child, I am going to leave." Leave what? He didn't know. The car. The Earth. This reality. There was a lot of options but he really didn't do kids. He parked the car in the visitor area and got out of the car, huffily shutting the door and leaning over it to look at Lucifer.
"How do we play this? Two grown men can't exactly walk into an elementary school." It was going to look a bit odd and creepy. "And what the hell do we do if it is a kid?"
"You know, it's really provocative of you to keep bringing up God while talking to me. What would they say to that in couple therapy?" Lucifer wasn't actually all that concerned by any of this and mostly bemused, so he got out of the car, straightened his clothes and looked at the school, nodding to Gadreel's question. Good point.
"If it's a child, we still take them along. I can suggest to anyone involved that it's a good idea." Meddling with people's minds was easy enough, within reason. "We walk in and say we're looking at the school, cause we want to move here with our kid."
He reached out with his hand, wiggling his fingers so Gadreel would take it. "Come on, love."
"I wouldn't ever raise a child with you. I've seen what happens with you and your hell spawns." Look at the Antichrist. The less said about her, the better. He didn't think children around Satan was a good idea but that was for obvious reasons. Yanking his hand back away, he gave him a look and then gestured at the sign in front of them.
"It's a catholic school. I doubt they'll let two guys bring their child here."
Hopefully. Maybe. Not that he was rooting for homophobia but he was rooting for shooting down this smug asshats plans. It's not that he didn't love the smug asshat but -- well, you know. "Can you sense them? Do you know where to go?"
"Any child I've actually raised turned out lovely." Within reason, anyway. Demons were demons. "I'm more of a hands-off parent and she is going through a phase. Everyone is awful when they're in puberty."
Sometimes he felt that Gadreel was still going through puberty and given the way angels aged and how comparatively young the other was, it was even a possibility. In a way. Not that he planned on telling him that. "I can sense them, but I probably shouldn't walk in there." He gestured to the cross he could already see down the hall. "I can't keep my presence down and sense the Prophet. We probably don't have a choice but wait. Let's just stop by the Blockbuster, come back out when I sense movement. Less of a chance of being mistaken for perverts."
"She always screams at you whenever you go near her." Just saying. And she'd been doing since she was ten so it was hard to say if it was puberty or just hating her dad. Gadreel looked around and considered what it would be like to draw attention to themselves or look like weirdo perverts. He eyed the fire alarm idly and considered it - it would draw them all out, make them easier to reach, see and work out who was what.
But he couldn't pull it. It went against all he knew. Yes, yes, he had free will and all that, he worked for satan and killed people but ... a fire alarm was a fire alarm. It wasn't supposed to be pulled. "Let's go to Blockbuster."
"She's the antichrist. Read the scripture, Gadreel, the antichrist isn't exactly supposed to be personable." Either way, Lucifer wasn't taking any responsibility for it. She would grow out of it eventually. He hoped. Preventing the apocalypse might help, something like that could rest heavy on a soul.
As they walked over to the Blockbuster, he put a hand in his pocket. "Now we have to pretend to still have a vhs recorder."
The Blockbuster was about as expected. A Lackluster selection of DVDs, some popcorn tubs and a weird amount of VHS tapes. The music playing also sounded like something from the nineties and helped to add to this whole vibe. It was like they tripped and fell into the wrong decade and yet the smart phone the guy behind the counter was using did kind of keep him grounded.
"So, what do you feel like renting?" He picked up Titanic and held it up curiously. "They have a lot of copies of this."
"Haven't felt like the king of the world in a while, so why not?" Lucifer came up behind Gadreel, leaning against him. There was a cross on the wall, to be expected in a town like this, but at least it turning around was slightly less noticeable than if all those giant crosses in the school's hallway would move.
"It's basically a choice between Titanic and porn, isn't it?" They'd been there before.
"Titanic." They were not watching gross rentable porn together. Especially not from a place like this. He picked up another VHS and tossed it to Lucifer. "Or we watch this." Saving Private Ryan was more his kind of movie but he was going to assume that none of these movies would be watched by them. Mostly because they didn't own a VHS player and they were kind of here for a reason.
Gadreel looked over the other options and sort of frowned, feeling an odd sensation here. He could almost feel magical energies... which was odd, given it was a Blockbuster.
"...hunters?" It was voiced as a question, but Lucius was already certain, which meant that he closed down big time. They'd just have to keep an eye on the school and head out when the bell rang, because he couldn't exactly risk exposure. It wasn't as if any human could harm either of them, but they didn't have any time to waste. It was unlikely that some washed up hunter in the middle of nowhere would even be able to identify a major fallen angel like Gadreel, much less the actual Devil, but he wasn't much feeling like being sprinkled with holy water. Always tasted funny.
"Yeah. We're real into talkies." Why did Lucifer pick a talkie? What the hell was a talkie? He assumed a lot of talking but... why not a romantic comedy? There were so more to pick. The guy was just sort of staring at them and, idly, his eyes went behind them to the now swinging cross that had flipped on it's side.
"That's pretty broad. Basically no silent films? Okay. Well. Failure to Launch is pretty good." It wasn't but the guy behind the desk was a little distracted and just named the first VHS in his line of sight. This seemed off. "Do you guys have a loyalty card?"
"...no. This is a Blockbuster and it's 2018. We don't have a loyalty card." Lucifer could have produced one, sure. But did he actually want to have one? No, he really didn't. Someone might hear. "We just want to watch something tonight." Given he couldn't imagine this city had much of a nightlife, that seemed valid enough. He turned to look at Gabreel.
"Horror." Gadreel growled, his tone dark and kind of scary, even if he wasn't really all that aggressive, he just sometimes enjoyed scaring mortals. And it worked, the guy almost jumped back before clearing his throat and shuffling awkwardly to the side, grabbing a copy of Friday the 13th and holding it out to them.
"Maybe this?"
"Hmm." He turned his head to Lucifer. "Maybe we also get Titanic. We can do a double bill."
"Sure, they're up the same alley." More or less, he supposed. Lucifer looked at the guy, who may or may not be a hunter or a witch or whatever male witches were called these days. He smiled, because he couldn't resisted the temptation. "Do you have Rosemary's Baby? Always makes me nostalgic."
Because he could totally raise children properly. Well. Maybe not the best example of that.
"Rosemary's Baby? ... Right." The guy gave them a funny look before he turned away to fetch the requested VHS. Gadreel slowly looked at Lucifer. Seriously? Well... it was kind of funny but if they were hunters then this was likely a stupid move. Even so...
"Hail Satan." Gadreel quoted in amusement, half smiling before wondering off to look at the popcorn on offer. Well, they probably had a fun motel night ahead, why not get some snacks. He grabbed a few backs and threw them at Lucifer. "Caramel flavour. Sounds awful, can't wait to pair it with our movies."
Lucifer caught the popcorn bag and smirked, shrugging his shoulders. No regrets here, it was hilarious. He didn't really expect them to have Rosemary's Baby, given he suspected that this was largely a front. Which reminded him, as he lowered his voice to whisper to Gadreel. "Can you sense it? We aren't dealing with anyone actually good at their craft, are we?"
Not that it would matter much, unless they had to stand in town longer.
"It's not a great sign. This whole town is weird. There's a prophet in the school, it's quiet and too floral and there's a blockbuster video run by hunters." It seemed like a dodgy set up all around and he was waiting for the rug to be pulled out from under them. It had to happen eventually, didn't it? It seemed all too conveniently odd.
As the likely hunter returned, he set down the three video cassettes requested and then scanned them. "That's five dollars for two weeks." He eyed them suspiciously. "Can I take an address?"
"We're about to check in to the closest motel, hotel, b&b, whatever looks charming." Whatever this town even had, but Lucifer left that unsaid. Instead he reached for his wallet, after putting down the popcorn as well. "You got any recommendation for a place? Or for a restaurant, for that matter. Gad's a big guy, gets pretty hungry."
"There's a pizza hut that's pretty good. It delivers until eleven on week days." Because that was what he lived off. Gadreel raised his eyebrow and shot Lucifer a look, was that their best pizza place? Oh boy. This was going to be a long quest for the prophet.
"No Domino's pizza?"
"There's one but it's a longer commute. The Taco Bell is also near the Best Western." Just saying. "How long are you in town for?" Wait, no, better question. "And why?"
"Business. We are trying to see a deal go through, so it depends on how things develop. It's a charming town, I'm hoping we can stay a while at least." Mostly he was hoping by saying that, he'd somehow make the reverse happen. In all his years, no prophecy had ever been as reliable as Murphy's Law. Lucifer paid for their purchases and handed the bag to Gabreel. "We'll be back with the tapes. Can't wait to try out the pizza hut."
The guy gave them one more funny look before making a retreat and yeah, it kind of looked like he had a gun on him now but it wasn't worth provoking a mortal into a fight. He wouldn't last. Gadreel gathered up their stuff and nodded towards the door, hoping to just leave quietly. "School's out, let's go get ourselves a prophet."
Lucifer nodded his head as they approached the school, once more using his powers to try and sense the presence of the Prophet. Closer and closer by the second, which was good. He turned his head toward the school and narrowed his eyes, wetting his lips. And then he sighed. "Got him."
Definitely a him, from the looks of it. He leaned back against their car and watched the boy, wondering if he would come to them. He was the Prophet, he might have foreseen this. "Definitely a child."
"Wait, which one?" Gadreel looked through the swarm of children but none really pinged for him. A he? Well, that was only narrowing it down a little. He waited and watched for the sign of whoever was supposed to be his prophet when a boy came skipping in their direction. Skipping? Oh. God. Not this one. He already looked kind of a weird. He was wearing a sunhat and it wasn't even sunny.
"Hey." Well, how was he supposed to greet this child? A 'peace be unto you' seemed kind of overblown, so Lucifer just nodded his head a little. "What's your name?" Seemed like a good place to start. Oh, wait.
"I'm guessing you know who I am?" The Prophets tended to. It was nice that this one didn't appear to fear him, in spite of a Catholic school. He had had to work with far more scared Prophets before, always a chore.
"I'm Felix Fitzpatrick and you're Mr Satan. I drew you today." He pulled a sheet of paper from his colouring book and there, in all it's confusing childish glory, was his prediction for today. Gadreel and Lucifer. Lucifer was drawn in pink crayon with too much hair and little horns whereas Gadreel's head was bigger than his body but yep, that was them, leaning against a weirdly shaped car. Though the sky wasn't exactly orange. "I'm not allowed to talk to Satan. It's a sin."
"Pretty much anything is a sin, kid. That's not a reason not to do something."
"You can just call me Lucifer. Or Luc, if you'd rather." Tended to draw less suspicion in public, even Gadreel usually did it, unless he was deliberately saying his name to scold him. When it got especially bad, he called him Morningstar. Which, secretly, Lucifer thought was adorable. "You don't seem to care that much, given you're talking to me now. You know Gadreel and I need your help, Felix?"
"I'm not in school now so I don't have to do what they tell me." Felix wisely reasons as he held onto the straps of his bag and looked up at the two, bouncing on the balls of his feet. "I have to help you save the world from the bad thing. It's coming."
"The apocalypse?"
"Pocalips?" Felix squinted. That was a big word but it seemed about right so he nodded, all smart like and clever. "Yes, that one. It's a big pocalips and it's a bad one."
"End of the world. Yes, apocalypse. That's a bad one, given it's the only one." That he hoped to prevent. Wouldn't be the first time. However, last time he had worked with a much older Prophet, which had its upsides. "Where are you supposed to go now, Felix? You got a family?"
They'd have to figure that one out. "Do you have any more drawings that show the future?"
"I have a dad but you can't come with me there, he won't tolerate such nonsense." Felix repeated the same old catchphrase his father always yelled at him, rooting through his colouring book and holding out the next picture. It was a guy in a long black coat hanging around... maybe a church. Maybe not. "This guy but he was boring to draw so I stopped."
"Of course you did." Slowly, he turned and gave Lucifer a look. Well, this was going to be terrible in every way. "This is perfect."
"Okay, I gotta go." Felix waved at them both. "I can't be late."
"His dad sounds a lot like mine," Lucifer commented drily, while looking at the picture he had gotten. Hey, it was better than nothing. He studied it, then finally shrugged his shoulders. "We'll look into the boy. If we have to, we can get him from his father. Anyone can be tempted."
Might as well be hell's catchphrase. "Don't look so dour, Gadreel. You have to admit, he's more mature than the last one."
"That's not a tough bar." He watched the kid walk home and his peers push him a little as they ran by. He was clearly not a popular kid but he was also an odd one, it was clear to see just by knowing him for a moment. He looked away and levelled Lucifer a small frown. "Okay, we look into the kid, work out what to do and try to find this guy -- whoever he is."
He looked it over. "A purple man wearing a black squiggle with a giant head, tiny feet and what looks like a church or hell, what do I know? It could be the Pizza Hut." This was going to be fun.
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The presence of the prophet, obviously, but since that was the entire point of their mission, he was sure that went without saying.
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Given he's looked like he was dozing while Gadreel tediously took on motor ways and back roads almost blindly.
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"So, where are we?" He put the seat into a more upright position, looking around. "Looks like the devil's armpit." Well. "Metaphorically."
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He's not saying that's his ideal vacation but for a work retreat in America? Not bad. Could be worse. "This prophet better be worth this commute."
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Although he supposed that one would kind of lead to the other. "We're close now."
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"Why do we even want to stop the apocalypse. Is it really going to impact us much? We're already fucked." At least the end of the world meant a power struggle first. "Is this just because you don't want to do anything, including ending the world?"
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"The apocalypse, for one thing, has a whole lot of prophecies attached to it that would kick me from free will right to predestined. I tore down half of heaven to get out of that, so, yes. Maybe I don't want to do anything, including ending the world. I like the world. On and off, anyway. Beats nothingness."
He paused for a moment, turning his head. "We've now driven past the fourth flower shop since we entered the town. What's that about?"
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"So we want to avert the apocalypse so we can avoid you having to actually do something?"
That did seem pretty accurate. Same old Lucifer, as always. "Yep. Sounds about right." God, he sucked. He sucked so much. Not that he wasn't unused to this, it was pretty much as expected.
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No, he didn't want a reset, he didn't want the apocalypse. So he would stop it, again and again. Even if he had to look for the prophet in a forsaken town that-- "Is that a Blockbuster?"
Maybe the world had already ended.
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"Well? Where are we heading? It better not be a flower shop. I don't want a prophet who will bore us to death with floral arrangement talk."
Anything was an improvement over the last one though.
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As they came closer, he looked at the building in question. Definitely close. "...I hope the Prophet's a teacher. Or a janitor." Because otherwise, that would mean a child. And, from the looks of it, this was an elementary school. A young child.
Joy.
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"How do we play this? Two grown men can't exactly walk into an elementary school." It was going to look a bit odd and creepy. "And what the hell do we do if it is a kid?"
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"If it's a child, we still take them along. I can suggest to anyone involved that it's a good idea." Meddling with people's minds was easy enough, within reason. "We walk in and say we're looking at the school, cause we want to move here with our kid."
He reached out with his hand, wiggling his fingers so Gadreel would take it. "Come on, love."
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"It's a catholic school. I doubt they'll let two guys bring their child here."
Hopefully. Maybe. Not that he was rooting for homophobia but he was rooting for shooting down this smug asshats plans. It's not that he didn't love the smug asshat but -- well, you know. "Can you sense them? Do you know where to go?"
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Sometimes he felt that Gadreel was still going through puberty and given the way angels aged and how comparatively young the other was, it was even a possibility. In a way. Not that he planned on telling him that. "I can sense them, but I probably shouldn't walk in there." He gestured to the cross he could already see down the hall. "I can't keep my presence down and sense the Prophet. We probably don't have a choice but wait. Let's just stop by the Blockbuster, come back out when I sense movement. Less of a chance of being mistaken for perverts."
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But he couldn't pull it. It went against all he knew. Yes, yes, he had free will and all that, he worked for satan and killed people but ... a fire alarm was a fire alarm. It wasn't supposed to be pulled. "Let's go to Blockbuster."
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As they walked over to the Blockbuster, he put a hand in his pocket. "Now we have to pretend to still have a vhs recorder."
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"So, what do you feel like renting?" He picked up Titanic and held it up curiously. "They have a lot of copies of this."
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"It's basically a choice between Titanic and porn, isn't it?" They'd been there before.
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Gadreel looked over the other options and sort of frowned, feeling an odd sensation here. He could almost feel magical energies... which was odd, given it was a Blockbuster.
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"Hello? We'd like to rent... Y'know, a talkie."
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"Yeah. We're real into talkies." Why did Lucifer pick a talkie? What the hell was a talkie? He assumed a lot of talking but... why not a romantic comedy? There were so more to pick. The guy was just sort of staring at them and, idly, his eyes went behind them to the now swinging cross that had flipped on it's side.
"That's pretty broad. Basically no silent films? Okay. Well. Failure to Launch is pretty good." It wasn't but the guy behind the desk was a little distracted and just named the first VHS in his line of sight. This seemed off. "Do you guys have a loyalty card?"
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"What are you in the mood for? Romcom?"
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"Maybe this?"
"Hmm." He turned his head to Lucifer. "Maybe we also get Titanic. We can do a double bill."
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Because he could totally raise children properly. Well. Maybe not the best example of that.
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"Hail Satan." Gadreel quoted in amusement, half smiling before wondering off to look at the popcorn on offer. Well, they probably had a fun motel night ahead, why not get some snacks. He grabbed a few backs and threw them at Lucifer. "Caramel flavour. Sounds awful, can't wait to pair it with our movies."
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Not that it would matter much, unless they had to stand in town longer.
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As the likely hunter returned, he set down the three video cassettes requested and then scanned them. "That's five dollars for two weeks." He eyed them suspiciously. "Can I take an address?"
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"No Domino's pizza?"
"There's one but it's a longer commute. The Taco Bell is also near the Best Western." Just saying. "How long are you in town for?" Wait, no, better question. "And why?"
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The guy gave them one more funny look before making a retreat and yeah, it kind of looked like he had a gun on him now but it wasn't worth provoking a mortal into a fight. He wouldn't last. Gadreel gathered up their stuff and nodded towards the door, hoping to just leave quietly. "School's out, let's go get ourselves a prophet."
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Definitely a him, from the looks of it. He leaned back against their car and watched the boy, wondering if he would come to them. He was the Prophet, he might have foreseen this. "Definitely a child."
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"Hi." The boy waved at them both.
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"I'm guessing you know who I am?" The Prophets tended to. It was nice that this one didn't appear to fear him, in spite of a Catholic school. He had had to work with far more scared Prophets before, always a chore.
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"Pretty much anything is a sin, kid. That's not a reason not to do something."
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Cute name, at least.
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"The apocalypse?"
"Pocalips?" Felix squinted. That was a big word but it seemed about right so he nodded, all smart like and clever. "Yes, that one. It's a big pocalips and it's a bad one."
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They'd have to figure that one out. "Do you have any more drawings that show the future?"
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"Of course you did." Slowly, he turned and gave Lucifer a look. Well, this was going to be terrible in every way. "This is perfect."
"Okay, I gotta go." Felix waved at them both. "I can't be late."
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Might as well be hell's catchphrase. "Don't look so dour, Gadreel. You have to admit, he's more mature than the last one."
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He looked it over. "A purple man wearing a black squiggle with a giant head, tiny feet and what looks like a church or hell, what do I know? It could be the Pizza Hut." This was going to be fun.